repentance at a distance

last remnants of faith
doubt encoded every minute awake
haven’t seen my face in years
was it precaution? I think it’s fear

scaled up and congregated
gets my judgment, but scaled back and isolated
just means my fears unseat
the remaining ways you reach to me

holes in your hand ain’t there
hand on your side, I swear I’m scared
still say my prayers each night
yet the less I sleep the less I fight

pressed up against the truth
“I’m insufficiently devoted to you”
still grappling the facts
”my heart is black, I won't come back”

yet we repent.